Dance

the dance was actually good up until the end because i was the strong one. i laughed and i danced like i couldnt stop. i was happy. i was strong.

then i saw something and made a big deal. but i just couldnt stop crying. i'm sorry for all the people who i dragged into it with me. i really should have known better.

Because i've figured something out: i'm not supposed to be with anyone. no matter how bad i want it, i'm not about to get it. i should have learned it before. God, i'm such an idiot. but somehow i sort of hoped that this would be the one time. and it hit me so hard when i saw. catherine, carissa, my own friends pushing them together. they don't know. it wasnt their fault. but it was so...i couldnt take it. it's happened so many times that i've come to this conclusion:

I will not find anyone for me. It's not something i like or want. it's something i have to live with.