Sunday, May 04, 2008

The "Nice Guy" brought down by a not-so-nice girl

So I basically ranted about this to a whole shitload of people and now I'm going to rant on my blog.

I read a couple of other peoples' blogs about this guy who made an open letter to his ex or someone on Craigslist, basically blasting her because she had the audacity to NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM OHMYGODNOWAY.

I was greatly saddened when I read this. I mean, yes, guys in love are very, very stupid, BUT I DID NOT THINK THAT THEY WERE THIS STUPID. And, accordingly, I went through the five stages of grief.
Denial: This can't be real. Some guy wrote it as a publicity stunt. Or he was just in a car accident. Really. That must have been it.
Anger: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!? I SWEAR TO GOD, A GIRL DOES NOT HAVE TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU SPEND TIME WITH HER, YOU IGNORANT DOUCHEBAG! (Note: this stage did not seem to stop happening.)
Bargaining: Okay, I will give you five dollars if you shut up right now. Really. Swear. You can buy yourself a prostitute and distract yourself from the whole 'getting-revenge-through-the-Internet' thing.
Depression: I may just off myself now that I know that people can be so blatantly obtuse.
And, finally, Acceptance: Wait, no, hold up. I do not accept this at all.

First of all: Platonic, adj.: designating or of a relationship between a man and a woman that is purely spiritual or intellectual and without sexual activity.

If you refer to yourself as "a Platonic guy pal ", why would you expect anything to come of that relationship at all? The very word platonic, as defined above, suggests that neither person was expecting anything sexual to come of this relationship. You were anything BUT platonic: you were just irritating.

There is no such thing as a guy or a girl who is only nice. Everyone has their moments. Everyone's an asshole sometimes. The real "nice guys", or as close as you can get to them, don't have to label themselves that way.

What we have here is a case of a guy who just doesn't want to try. A guy who thinks that he DESERVES this girl. Why, he does not say, as he refers to himself as "a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor," someone who didn't know how to "dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease."

Here's the thing: we could ignore that if you weren't so dense. If you had any redeeming personality traits at all. If, instead of following us around and expecting random sex in return, you had said, "Hey, guess what? I like you. Let's go out," there would have been a chance for us to say yes. WE WON'T SAY YES IF YOU DON'T ASK. We can't say no, either, but if this guy had given this girl the opportunity to say no, maybe he would have cut everything short before it came to him obsessing over her on the Internet.

There's that "he could be shy" excuse, but please. A "shy" person wouldn't freak out like this. Neither would a nice guy. There is a difference between shy and sweet and cowardly and vindictive. Guess which one Craigslist guy is? I mean, he's writing her an anonymous letter. He obviously knows where she lives (he sounds like a stalker, at least), so he could just out and SAY IT TO HER. But NO. It has to be as non confrontational and messed up as their whole "relationship".

So here's a message to any guy who's only hanging out with all your girl friends because you think that one day they're going to turn around and go, "Hey, you nasty, fat, bald, smelly, stalkery man, even though I've never indicated that I had any feelings for you, and even though you've never said a word to me that could keep me from leading you on in any way, shape or form, and even though you're totalling up every minute you spend shopping with me in your head as time I owe back to you....I WANT YOU. SERIOUSLY. I FIND YOUR BLATANT MISOGYNY SO ATTRACTIVE. LET'S FUCK."...just cut your losses now. It's not going to happen.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

The Ramones

So I tried blogging on that other one. It just didn't feel right. hahaha...anyways, I'm back. A little bit. Who knows if I'll stay?

One thing y'all should know about me: I have a talent for knowing useless stuff. After looking at the Wikipedia page for the Ramones once, I now know that the Ramones toured almost nonstop from the band's creation (in Queens) on, until the Lollapolooza in 1996, when they disbanded. I also know that all three original members of the band died within eight years of the breakup, and that their only really successful album was a b-side collaboration with a 50-or-so-page booklet on the history of the Ramones. Seriously.

So I really want to go back and re-read the rest of this article, right? The only problem is that totally vain reasons are keeping me from doing so. I fear that if I go back and read the rest of the article, either A) my brain will explode and leak out my ears, or B) I will forget all the things i read almost as quick as i forgot about that whole logarithms deal in Algebra. Seriously. And yes, it is just a bunch of useless information, but the absolute truth of the matter is that if I tell people those few facts, they will be either pretty impressed or think that I have no life. But if I forget, well, that sucks.

In true Ali fashion, I RAN OUT OF ENERGY HALFWAY THROUGH.
Lol.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

This Epitomizes My Insanity

Sleep, sleep, severus sleep...

Dumbledore!!

Ron, Ron, Ron Weasly...

Waitwaitwait. What the hell did I just do??

Okay, starting over.

Sleep. Sleep is good for you.

Huck Finn is an orange. No, honestly.

I obviously am not currently getting enough sleep.

Mustartd pretzels make my breath smell funky...

Snape, Snape, Severus--a'ldskjf;dslkj'IJ;AOJERWLKJLADKJ STOP!

Haha I AM THE YELLOW OCTOPUS.

Wow. That was me trying to just write the first thing that came into my head, like all those famous writers say. So I'll write the not-dirty parts of my train of thought.

My shirt(originally a BADDD TYPO) has skulls on it i'm staring at the y key it make s it hard to type also makes me want to write yellow. Yellow yellow yellow hugs monkey Laurel pant leg on a duck.

....I think I'm gonna jump off a bridge now.




Lollllll....