Sunday, May 04, 2008

The "Nice Guy" brought down by a not-so-nice girl

So I basically ranted about this to a whole shitload of people and now I'm going to rant on my blog.

I read a couple of other peoples' blogs about this guy who made an open letter to his ex or someone on Craigslist, basically blasting her because she had the audacity to NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM OHMYGODNOWAY.

I was greatly saddened when I read this. I mean, yes, guys in love are very, very stupid, BUT I DID NOT THINK THAT THEY WERE THIS STUPID. And, accordingly, I went through the five stages of grief.
Denial: This can't be real. Some guy wrote it as a publicity stunt. Or he was just in a car accident. Really. That must have been it.
Anger: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!? I SWEAR TO GOD, A GIRL DOES NOT HAVE TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU SPEND TIME WITH HER, YOU IGNORANT DOUCHEBAG! (Note: this stage did not seem to stop happening.)
Bargaining: Okay, I will give you five dollars if you shut up right now. Really. Swear. You can buy yourself a prostitute and distract yourself from the whole 'getting-revenge-through-the-Internet' thing.
Depression: I may just off myself now that I know that people can be so blatantly obtuse.
And, finally, Acceptance: Wait, no, hold up. I do not accept this at all.

First of all: Platonic, adj.: designating or of a relationship between a man and a woman that is purely spiritual or intellectual and without sexual activity.

If you refer to yourself as "a Platonic guy pal ", why would you expect anything to come of that relationship at all? The very word platonic, as defined above, suggests that neither person was expecting anything sexual to come of this relationship. You were anything BUT platonic: you were just irritating.

There is no such thing as a guy or a girl who is only nice. Everyone has their moments. Everyone's an asshole sometimes. The real "nice guys", or as close as you can get to them, don't have to label themselves that way.

What we have here is a case of a guy who just doesn't want to try. A guy who thinks that he DESERVES this girl. Why, he does not say, as he refers to himself as "a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor," someone who didn't know how to "dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease."

Here's the thing: we could ignore that if you weren't so dense. If you had any redeeming personality traits at all. If, instead of following us around and expecting random sex in return, you had said, "Hey, guess what? I like you. Let's go out," there would have been a chance for us to say yes. WE WON'T SAY YES IF YOU DON'T ASK. We can't say no, either, but if this guy had given this girl the opportunity to say no, maybe he would have cut everything short before it came to him obsessing over her on the Internet.

There's that "he could be shy" excuse, but please. A "shy" person wouldn't freak out like this. Neither would a nice guy. There is a difference between shy and sweet and cowardly and vindictive. Guess which one Craigslist guy is? I mean, he's writing her an anonymous letter. He obviously knows where she lives (he sounds like a stalker, at least), so he could just out and SAY IT TO HER. But NO. It has to be as non confrontational and messed up as their whole "relationship".

So here's a message to any guy who's only hanging out with all your girl friends because you think that one day they're going to turn around and go, "Hey, you nasty, fat, bald, smelly, stalkery man, even though I've never indicated that I had any feelings for you, and even though you've never said a word to me that could keep me from leading you on in any way, shape or form, and even though you're totalling up every minute you spend shopping with me in your head as time I owe back to you....I WANT YOU. SERIOUSLY. I FIND YOUR BLATANT MISOGYNY SO ATTRACTIVE. LET'S FUCK."...just cut your losses now. It's not going to happen.

3 comments:

Sam said...

This may be a bad time, but I no longer see a valid reason for us to be friends.

Molly Papey said...

What an ass-hole.

Ello said...

Hahahaha the dude is a po.