Blog Story, P8

I shook my hair out of my eyes as i stared at the clock. Study Hall was really boring after you finish your homework. Plus I couldnt stop thinking.

Well.

This sucked.

Not only was Jess still dramatically giving me the cold shoulder for hanging up on her, but i was this close to tearing off Eric's head.

I mean, he didnt have to be such a huge jerk when Luke came up to me to ask me for the answers to a couple of Science class. He wasnt so bad anymore. I had actually had a couple of moments daily where i didnt want to stab him through the heart with a pencil. You could say that i was tolerating him. Or possibly even...liking him. Not in the "Oh, he looked at me, someone catch me" kind of way, but i was definatley interested.

Beeeeeeeep.

Eight minutes left.

I tried to concentrate on the fact that there was a very entertaining birdfight happenening between the school roof's territorial robins and idiotic pigeons that almost everyone else in the room was fixated on. But i was still kind of wondering what i had done that was so horrible. I hadnt really yelled at Eric, just snipped a little. What was it...some comment about how absoulutley stupid he was being. Well, that wasnt nice, but neither was him practically biting off Luke's head for no reason.

"FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" yelled a couple of jocks.

"God, it's a couple of animals, not your friends. Although...never mind, carry on," Vanessa said, rolling her eyes at me. I smirked and nodded back. Nothing like the idocy of football to bond over.

Beeeeeeeep.

Study hall was over. Time for science.

I spent pretty much the entire time trying to avoid burning myself with the bunsen burner. I didnt know that paper caught on fire so easy.

When i walked out of class, I saw Eric out of the corner of my eye. I knew he was waiting for me. I started to turn, and if i had done it a second sooner i would have walked down the hall with him, gone to Lunch, and you wouldnt be reading this right now. It sort of blows your mind when you think about it. Like, if you had made a single change in something you did, a second, a millisecond even, it could totally change your life.

You shouldnt think like that. Because then you spend your entire life second-guessing. But you can't help wondering sometimes, What if...?

Because if i had stayed behind or chosen another moment to walk out that door, turned a second sooner, moved a little faster, Luke would never have grabbed my arm, spun me around and said, "Miley, do you want to go to Homecoming with me?"

I had no idea what to say to that. Did i like him? Yeah, a little. But did i like him enough?

That was Eric's cue to run up and go, "Hey, Miley, we're going to be late for lunch. You should come with me," and try to pull me away.

And really, that was what made up my mind. I shook him off, gave Luke a big smile, and said, "Sure."

It was a mistake. It was mean, really, because i did it 45% because of my semi-feelings for Luke, but 55% was because i wanted to show Eric that i could take care of myself. That was it. The point that i chose wasnt even the majority, and that was stupid.

And then Eric took his hand off my arm, Luke said "Cool," and walked away, and i turned around to find Eric...but he wasnt there. I was standing there in a sea of backpacks and feeling a little mixture of happiness and sadness. It was a sign, you could say, but i ignored it and walked down to lunch.

I looked through the crowd until i spotted him, then jumped on his back. He proceeded to practically colapse. "What the--" Eric said, turning around. "Oh. Hey. You know, you probably shouldnt jump on me like that. I'm going to develop a back condition." His voice wasnt mad, just completley devoid of emotion.

"Come on. I don't want to fight. We're acting like Laguna Beach on downers here, and you know how much i hate that show." I hoped that he would laugh, but he didnt.

"You knew that i didnt like that guy, but that didnt stop you."

Like it was his choice? "Um, need i remind you of Amber? Jeanette? Meg? I pretty much hated them, but THAT didnt stop YOU."

"It's a different situation," he mumbled.

"How?" I asked. More like exploded, but I'm writing this so i get to decide. "Because they were all younger or older than us and i didnt have to deal with them on a regular basis? Get real."

"You know, you can be incredibly self-centered sometimes."

"ME??? What about YOU??? You want me to measure my dates up to your standards? If you remember, i never said anything about Jeanette's tendency to laugh like a deranged hyena until AFTER you stopped liking her. And Meg kept hinting at me to lose weight, and you knew it, but you didnt stop her. Need i go on?" I knew that we were making a big scene, but i couldnt beleive it. My friends are all i have, really, considering that the only way i'm considered important in my family is in the role of live-in babysitter. When they're mean to me, it cuts me deeper than anything else. But I'd never tell them that because i like to keep up a tough exterior. I don't know why, but it's how i am. And now Eric was essentially beating me into the ground. My only reaction was to beat back.

He was looking more uncomfortable by the second, but he had this stupid look on his face. "I still think--"

"To hell with what you think!" I screamed. "I don't care anymore! You're not my mom or dad or brother or boyfriend! When that situation arises, feel free to be protective and chauvanist and all the other things you want, but until then, BACK OFF!" I spat the last two words in his face, turned around, and walked out of the lunchroom.

The shaky feeling inside of me told me that this wasnt a normal fight. This was bigger. We usually had fights when we were IMing or something, when we didnt have to go through the exertion of yelling or actually see the other person's reaction. It was like something snapped or disappeared. It was all too much drama. I walked down to my next class, realizing that i hadnt eaten lunch.

Stupid, stupid dramatics.